The next time you want to have a private conversation with your BFF about your recent divorce, try not going to a public place.

If you want to be alone, don’t ask me, “Excuse me, is this really your job today? To be working in this section right here?” The answer is yes. It’s my job to keep the bookstore clean. When half the travel books are in the used section and the other half are falling all over the floor and it’s slow, yes, it’s my job to clean it up. Don’t worry, I got your hint, I’m just going to finish MY JOB first. If you really must be alone, you can ask me directly. It’ll probably still sound bitchy, but much less so than asking me incredulously whether my job could possibly be to do what I’m already doing, where I’m doing it.

Don’t flatter yourself that my shelving books and cleaning up a section is a cover for me to eavesdrop on your conversation. You’re not that interesting.

And learn how to aim in the goddamn bathroom. Most toilet-trained children know that it’s rude, not to mention disgusting, to leave toilet paper all over the floor, the sink running and the light on.